How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
