woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
