WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
