I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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