True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
