i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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