He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I skipped work to stalk him.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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