I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
