I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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