Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
