It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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