There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
