I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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