I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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