____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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