There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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