She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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