I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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