quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
A+ Viking dick
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
