maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have fence marks all over my body
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
