I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I deserve this hangover.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
