So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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