forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
