I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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