I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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