when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I see more hoeing in ur future
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