I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
