before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
