Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
