um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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