I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
