you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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