I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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