why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
