The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
