Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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