Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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