i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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