Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
