I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
