i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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