i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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