Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
