There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Randomize
