You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
