better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
