Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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