You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
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