I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
