I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
